Taking accountability for my actions

I attend my Weight Watchers meeting every week and every week I always weigh in. And if I can’t make it to my meeting, I find another location that either is hosting a meeting at a time I can attend OR I find a location I can go to just to weigh-in to have that accountability for the week.  Now I realize I can go into my meeting, think “gee I had a horrible week, I don’t want to weigh in” and I can choose to not weigh in that week.  I have never explored this option before because for me, personally, if I don’t weigh-in I feel that’s a way to be dishonest with myself and pretending the week before didn’t happen.

After the past week, I knew the majority of it was “off plan” as I was having a pity party.  I felt a little puffier and I knew I had gained, but I didn’t know how much. In my mind, I gained 5+ pounds.  Part of me truly didn’t want to know the damage and for a sheer second I considered not weighing in tonight. I got out of my car, walked into my meeting, put my stuff down on my chair, went to the bathroom (pre-weigh-in ritual) and decided to suck it up and step on the scale. I asked the receptionist weighing me in to not tell me the damage and she didn’t. I saw my weight pop up on the screen and was surprised, it wasn’t that bad!

Truth be told, I gained 2.4 pounds this past week on my pity party. 2.4 pounds! Truly that amount is not that bad and certainly not as bad as I imagined it. I didn’t want to explore the option of not weighing in because that would become an “out” for me and I don’t need any outs in my journey.  Honesty and owning up is the best policy. Not being aware of the “damage” could have essentially caused me to continue the vicious cycle.

My meeting was influential and I learned a good chunk. There are four people in my meeting who recently got laid off in the last 2-weeks … I’m not alone. I realize there are people all over the world/state who are unemployed and/or getting laid off. But as a very powerful and informative lifetimer in my meeting said to me in conversation: it’s up to me to decide how I want to spend my time, how I want to eat my food and what I want to do in a day.

My day was preplanned yesterday and Friday, most of Saturday and half of Sunday are already prelanned.  I’m also planning on going back to the gym – slow and steady because this is my life, my journey and I deserve to get to goal!

Dealing with change & being accountable

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Franklin

I’m going to be completely honest. I strongly dislike change. I realize change is a natural progression in life … but I’ve never been a big fan of it. It steps in and shakes up my world and sets me off kilter. Some aspects of change (change of plans, etc.) in a daily life don’t throw me off balance as much as a huge change (loss of a job, start of a new job, etc.)

I have been out of work for some time nursing a shoulder injury. After getting approval from my doctors to go back to work – I submitted all my paperwork to find out on Monday morning that while I was out on medical leave, my position had been back-filled and I was now out of a job and gainfully unemployed. Not quite where I wanted to be or imagined myself being.  I admit it was a thought that crossed my mind (thanks to Google searches) – but I thought “noo”.

Now I realize the situation (being home) has not changed, but the situation I developed in my mind has completely gone askew.  I was getting back into the mindset of being back at work – packing all my foods and bringing them with me, getting meals planned out so dinner could be put together and eaten at a reasonable hour, being around friends and coworkers who I haven’t seen, etc.  After the phone call I received, my entire world felt like it had been shaken up.

I’m not angry. I’m not sad. I guess I’m a little indifferent but I do feel that as one door closes another opens to bigger and better opportunities. Now it’s just to put the time in to find those bigger and better opportunities which I know are out there.  This of course adds a little bit of added stress: money constraints, frustration, health insurance concerns, etc. I realize things will work out for the best with time but sometimes it’s the waiting that is a little aggravating.

So I’ve been doing the whole unemployment thing – signing up for unemployment, attending seminars, searching for jobs, networking, etc.  In the overall spectrum, simple tasks – but since it’s so much change at once it’s got me in a bit of a funk. But I find myself comforting myself with food, making poor food choices, eating too late at night, etc. It’s almost like a pity party for Shannon at table one.  And I know that I’m doing it – I’m fully conscious but I’m doing it anyway.

It’s not a good thing to be doing.  And I’m feeling well, like crap (due to the foods I’ve been eating), I would think that would push me back into the celebrate Shannon mind-frame.  But like I’ve always said it’s truly mind over matter and I’ve got to work at getting my mind back and focused on me. Eating, consciously or subconsciously isn’t going to cure anything and it’s not going to make anything better. It’s up to ME and ME only to make things better … and I’ve got to get back to working on me. I’ve also got to get myself back to the gym – slow and steady, especially since I haven’t been to the gym in a long time due to my shoulder injury.

I guess I’m saying … I really need my meeting this week. I need that fresh start – a fresh new week to focus on me and make better choices and be a better version of myself each day.  I’ve got my week menu in the process of getting planned out. It’s up to me to turn this “tragedy” into a triumph.  This week long pity party cannot continue. I won’t let it continue … I can’t.  I’ve also got to learn how to cope with change – I’ve learned many things along this weaving road in my journey, and this is one that I’m going to have to do some work with.

Plus to be honest, there are some foods I’ve eaten that I wouldn’t mind NOT seeing again for a while …. So bring on the lean meats, fruits and vegetables! I’m strapping my big girl boots back on and I plan on lacing them up real tight.