Taking accountability for my actions


I attend my Weight Watchers meeting every week and every week I always weigh in. And if I can’t make it to my meeting, I find another location that either is hosting a meeting at a time I can attend OR I find a location I can go to just to weigh-in to have that accountability for the week.  Now I realize I can go into my meeting, think “gee I had a horrible week, I don’t want to weigh in” and I can choose to not weigh in that week.  I have never explored this option before because for me, personally, if I don’t weigh-in I feel that’s a way to be dishonest with myself and pretending the week before didn’t happen.
After the past week, I knew the majority of it was “off plan” as I was having a pity party.  I felt a little puffier and I knew I had gained, but I didn’t know how much. In my mind, I gained 5+ pounds.  Part of me truly didn’t want to know the damage and for a sheer second I considered not weighing in tonight. I got out of my car, walked into my meeting, put my stuff down on my chair, went to the bathroom (pre-weigh-in ritual) and decided to suck it up and step on the scale. I asked the receptionist weighing me in to not tell me the damage and she didn’t. I saw my weight pop up on the screen and was surprised, it wasn’t that bad!
Truth be told, I gained 2.4 pounds this past week on my pity party. 2.4 pounds! Truly that amount is not that bad and certainly not as bad as I imagined it. I didn’t want to explore the option of not weighing in because that would become an “out” for me and I don’t need any outs in my journey.  Honesty and owning up is the best policy. Not being aware of the “damage” could have essentially caused me to continue the vicious cycle.
My meeting was influential and I learned a good chunk. There are four people in my meeting who recently got laid off in the last 2-weeks … I’m not alone. I realize there are people all over the world/state who are unemployed and/or getting laid off. But as a very powerful and informative lifetimer in my meeting said to me in conversation: it’s up to me to decide how I want to spend my time, how I want to eat my food and what I want to do in a day.
My day was preplanned yesterday and Friday, most of Saturday and half of Sunday are already prelanned.  I’m also planning on going back to the gym – slow and steady because this is my life, my journey and I deserve to get to goal!

You can’t please everyone – you can ONLY please yourself


Weight loss is a wonderful thing.  When you finally undertake the idea (or if you want to call it, challenge) of losing weight to get healthy – it’s a life changing event.   Anything is possible as long as you set your mind to it and that has truly become my motto.
One thing I’ve noticed during my 3-year long journey is that not everybody you know (personally or second person) or even people online are going to be your personal cheerleader.  It’s fabulous to have an amazing support system, but there are times where you feel like “the world is against you.”  In times like that, it’s best to remain as positive as possible and think of why you started your journey.  I personally started my weight loss journey for me and for me only.  No doctor, no family member, no potential future possibilities pushed me to join Weight Watchers.  I made a conscious decision because I wanted this for me and that was the first time in my life I’ve ever wanted AND done something for myself that had substance to it (that is excluding going to college – but with that choice I had a lot of help and guidance along the way).
Personally, when I was at my heaviest I was told that I was too fat.  I was too unhealthy for my age.  I should really consider losing weight.  I had “such a beautiful face” (why is this a universal term?).  I was in a road to devastation.  There were comments after comments because at the end of the day, almost everyone had one.
When I joined Weight Watchers there may have been a bit of skepticism as to if I was going to follow the program and/or give up.  But as I continued along with it and continued to lose weight I heard a lot of supportive comments.  You’re doing so well.  I’m glad you’ve decided to change for yourself.  I wish you the best. You’re looking great.  Oh my god, how much have you lost?!  Comments like that continued for about a year and it really helped in boosting my confidence.  I had family, friends and people in my Weight Watchers meeting rooting for me, praising me for my dedication and cheerleaders.  It really helped.
When I hit about the ~160 mark my “slimness” started to show.  My collar bones were prominent (as they should be) – and I was still over 200 pounds.  I started to receive comments like: how much weight have you lost?  What is your goal weight?  I think you look perfect as you are right now.
There are times when the smaller (and I am talking still healthy in terms of your attending physicians, your BMI chart [according to the BMI chart I’m technically still ‘obese’] and even your weigh-ins) you get, the “nastier” (that’s a stretch – but sometimes words can get that way) the comments can get.  Not for everyone, but for some.  The comments about you being too fat suddenly turn into comments about you being too skinny.  You look unhealthy.  You look like skin and bones.  You look like a skeleton.  You need to stop losing weight.
I am not saying everyone says these things and I am not saying that everyone will experience things like this on their journey.  But what I am saying is that as long as you are happy and healthy that is ALL that matters.  Everything else is mute.  If your doctors approve of your physical condition and weight, if you’re eating your recommended daily in-take of food, if you’re doing things the healthy way (exercise, etc.) and you are in a happy place – that’s all that matters.  All those other comments are just words.  Words we learn (or will need to learn) to let bounce off you.
Sure, I have moments of weakness where I can’t take the negativity. I am human.  I have feelings. But it’s up to me to choose how I deal with it.  And I know deep down in my heart those words will not push me to be nearly 400 pounds again.  My happiness and my journey cost more to me giving up and appeasing anyone.  And even if I did gain weight – that wouldn’t please anyone. It certainly wouldn’t please me.  So I’m focusing on me and I’m focusing on me only.  My health. My happiness. My journey.  I’m not unhealthy; I don’t starve myself (I LOVE FOOD) and my doctors are the happiest they have ever been with me in my LIFE.
I think we (me) sometimes need to remember that we were a particular weigh/size for so long that those who were around us have a hard time seeing the new us.  Even if that transformation took 3-years, it’s still a drastic transformation.  But in the end of the day – the only person you can aim to please is yourself.  So that’s all I’m going to do because I enjoy happiness too much to let anyone take it from me.